Freedom of expression

December 8, 2010

finally the day i’ve been awaiting.

after going to northvale and talking to gladys, alison and zac. i found out what i really needed. guys? girls? no, what i really needed was a listening ear and a really good laugh. i enjoyed my three days with them very much. and i no longer think much about you. tan jia xuan, this three words, it’s gradually forgetting it. the awesome memories, you give me, i’ll remember them. i will never forget you, one of my most awesome friends. yup, this is the last one, i’ll create another tumblr for my own use. like i said, this tumblr, hereisthe-freedom.tumblr.com, is a tjxtgb dairy. just for you, to express what i’ve gone thru the past one and a half month after how you treated me. now i get the term, best friends. and probably thats how far i would go, until i’m matured enough to handle hard core ones. :-) may we meet again next year in sch, my chinese classmate. see you in secondary three. goodbye.

Leave Note / Reblog

December 3, 2010

I can’t help it

I can’t help it, i really tried really hard. but you’re the one i think of day and night. why are you doing this without an explanation. it’s really killing me. you remind me of gerald. how we can be great friends and then suddenly act as though we never knew each other at all before. let me tell you the gerald story. i wanted someone else’s number but just to cause confusion of who i like to faidhie, i took both numbers. gerald’s and the one i liked. i didn’t trust faidhie so i confirmed with gerald. and then we started short conversations and we progressed fast. first phone call on the day we just become friends. if i hadn’t remember wrongly. you were just so shy. and i immediately fell in love with your voice. it was so addictive. even until now, i crave for it sometimes. we chatted day and night, every ten seconds i would receive a new message. and i liked it becos i had been a long time since i last chat with someone and become good chatmates. we talked long chats on the phone too. which made it super hard for me to kick the habit of calling you every night. we always said we would chat till 5am but our longest was only until 4.45am. hahaha. good times good times. i really miss chatting with you. but after that phone call, it all changed. we were never friends again. friend, just like that changed to strangers. i’m sorry i confessed, i don’t mean anything, i just needed to let it out, you know how i’ve never been good with secrets and all the secrets i knew i would tell you so i won’t get mouth itchy and tell others. and you were a great secret keeper too. oh boy, i really miss you alot. i thought maybe you need time and space. so i left you alone, one week, one month, two months, three months, four months, five months. five months passed. just like that, i waiting foolishly. i really wanted to talk to you, and i hesitated for a month. then i finally broke our silence. i loved it. you were alright at the beginning, i was happy. finally. but it didn’t last. just that 10 mins, i felt awesome and the world became a better place but no longer. i tried a few more times, then i thought, ‘why make myself unhappy, he doesn’t like me at all, neither do he wanna be your friend. so just fuck off uh. and then days were terrible. seeing you along the corridors and i would turn the other way and walk the longer way. seeing you walk pass, i would look somewhere else or pretend that i’m having a conversation with someone, but stealing a quick peak. and i finally did it, aft eight months. i did it, i forgotten my best friend, gerald bey. then came gayboy. i just wanted to make friends and go to sentosa at the same time. i never thought things would turn out this way guys. i’m really sorry. i know i shouldn’t have gone so close with you all and give the wrong signal. i only wanted to be friends with you all. i never thought otherwise, i swear. but it all came too quick. and history repeated itself. i thank myself for being a total bitch and slut and an attention seeker. i know i never should’ve have trusted others. this world is just too dangerous. i should’ve listened to my dear heart on the left. i should’ve work that semi-circle thing on the top of my head alittle more. i should’ve been a better girl so i would have a bestie i could consult and pour my problems to. and so i would not be dying now. i can’t tell how i think to anyone cos no one wanna listen to them, i can’t ask for advice cos no one is bothered. oh boy, this is a hard choice. and i wanna make up my mind now. sec three year is coming soon, i can’t afford to waste another year. will i continue to like him and suffer in the silence of not being able to stop the pain or go to all resorts to forget about him once and for all. that’s really hard man. thank god love wasn’t a subject or else i would’ve failed practical and written both. i think i will give alittle more time as i promised i’ll party this holiday cos i would not have time next year. i’ll settle it after christmas. see how things goes then. i really hope it work out. that would be great but i won’t force things. alright, it’s pretty late now. goodnight. sweet dreams. tomorrow will be a better day. xoxo. love you.

Leave Note / Reblog

Should I confess - Soyu

Again today I looked into the sky aimlessly
I tried to your face slowly
Your lips, your eyes are so lovely today
I tell myself that I need to forget you
I keep telling myself that I can’t see you anymore
But you’re the only one for me
It can’t be anyone else
Will you accept my heart now?

Should I tell you that I love you?
Do you know how I feel when I look at you everyday?
If you stay by my side, I don’t want anything else
Will you just stay by my side?
Should i try to run to you?
I want to know how you feel about me
That’s the only thing I need
I can’t imagine a day without you
Will you accept the way I feel about you?

I try to remember everything that you did for me in the past
Do you know how I feel when I look at you everyday?
If you stay by my side, I don’t want anything else
Will you please stay by my side and protect me?

Should I tell you that I love you?
Do you know how I feel when I look at you everyday?
If you stay by my side, I don’t want anything else
Will you just stay by my side?

The cold looks you always gave me
And the way you used to talk to me
Don’t matter to me anymore
Will you tell me how you feel about me?
I Love you….

I love you, I love you more than anyone else in this world
If you give into this love, I won’t expect anything else
You’re just enough for me
Should I find the courage to confess to you?
I need to know how you feel about me right now
I don’t desire anyone else
I can’t live one day without you
I only love one person,
The person I love is you.